How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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