Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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