true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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