I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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