i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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