I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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