I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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