he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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