The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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