Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize