He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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