I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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