instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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