My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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