I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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