I didn't shave. On purpose
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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