my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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