No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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