My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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