i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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