I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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