Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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