Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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