This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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