dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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