We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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