I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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