Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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