So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
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This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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