There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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