girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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