i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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