Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Congratulations! We have a period
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