Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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