im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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