I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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