the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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