I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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