when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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