I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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