Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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