how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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