The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize