HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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