My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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