Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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