im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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