I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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