The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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