Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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